Season 1; Episode 1: Bad Hair Day

Season 1; Episode 1: Bad Hair Day

I welcome the lot of you to the first episode of this strange cartoon! By strange, I mean the CGI animation. This show was produced using motion-capture, and seeing as it was made in 1996, the character models and backdrops look extremely odd, and every character has jerky movements, and spazzing faces. Just thought I would get that out of the way first, since it is a prevalent problem in this show. I'll be sure to note out the really ugly parts of this show.

We open up to a shot of Cranky's cabin, as a sweet organ riff plays in the background. The camera goes inside the cabin to see Cranky Kong jamming away on his pipe-organ. We get some minimal exposition as to who Cranky's character is...

In song form!

'Cause he's Cranky. He's got his finger on the beat. 'Cause he's Cranky. The most stoned ape you'll ever meet!

Incase you somehow don't know, each episode in this entire series has at least two musical segments. These numbers can range from cheesy and forced, to bearable, or decent. It usually depends on who's singing the song. Every character on this show gets to sing at least once, and I'm sure you'll figure out which voices you'll want to hear the most by episode 5.

Anyway. Cranky moves away from the keyboard, which turns out he wasn't even playing in the first place.

Witchcraft!

Cranky Kong breaks the Fourth Wall and tells the viewers that he is the ape to see if you want to know about the most prized possession on the entire island. The magical, mysterious, eighth-in-a-half wonder of the world...

The Macguffin in all it's egg-shaped glory.

The Crystal Coconut!

It's not just any ordinary crystal, or coconut for that matter. It's a fortune teller, a wish fufiller, a power supply, and a teleporter.

In other words, It's a Plot-Device.

Cranky prompts us to look closer to the Crystal, as it forms a hologram of Donkey Kong, our main protagonist.

The brawniest, hippest, strongest ape of all of Kongo Bongo.

Donkey Kong is the destined future ruler of Kongo Bongo. Kongo Bongo is the island this show takes place on, by the by. I suppose having it named Donkey Kong Island would cause some plot conflict. As to why Donkey Kong is the entitled future ruler, it is not explained in detail in this episode. Actually, it isn't explained in detail in any episode of this show, and the background of the coconut is only briefly mentioned in a much later episode in this series. Whatever.

Cranky insults Donkey Kong's knowledge, which quite frankly couldn't be more truthful.

I spy an idiot!

Regardless, Donkey Kong is the future king of all the island, and the protector of all the Kongs as well. He must keep the Crystal Coconut safe from the forces of evil, at all costs. Namely, the only true force of evil on this show; King K. Rool.

Professional Bad-Guy, the Big Daddy of Evil.

Speak of the devil, King K. Rool is marching along to Cranky's Cabin, with his army of...five.

I know Cranky isn't a real threat, but come on.

I'm not exactly sure why King K. Rool himself is leading this attack, since that's really what sergeants are for.

Enter General Klump, one of the few characters made for this show, based off of the generic enemy in the first game. King K. Rool orders Klump to seize the coconut, and Klump orders the Kritters to ready their firearms.

What exactly is Cranky doing in the cabin, anyway? Shouldn't he call for help?

As the Kritters ready their guns, we zoom in to see what type of ammunition they'll be using; Klaptraps!

This gag gets used a lot in Season 1. It's basically just the Klaptraps conversing over their target.

"Oh, wow! Nice fat target!" "How could we miss?"

"Not me, you idiots! At Cranky's cabin!"

Once fired at their correct target, the Klaptraps proceed on chewing away the roof of Cranky's cabin. How does this help in capturing the Crystal Coconut? I suppose they were hoping to give Cranky a heart attack from the sheer thought of having to call a carpenter. We all know his history with those guys.

-Waka- -Waka- -Waka-

Cranky isn't phased by this attack at all, and just hands out reptillian-based insults. He leaves us off calling for Donkey Kong's help.

Onto the next scene, where we go into Donkey's perspective.

Nice tree hut. This design probably influenced his house design in DKCR

Donkey Kong is having trouble deciding which tie he should wear today. The joke is that every tie of his looks the exact same.

We hear a door bell, and hear that it's Diddy Kong calling out for Donkey to let him in. Also, Donkey's tie magically swipes down.

. . .

Fwoop! No muscle movement required!

Donkey Kong goes to his elevator hole in the floor, which isn't exactly a safe design choice but whatever, and prompts Diddy to come on up.

Diddy has second thoughts on using his barrel elevator, reminding DK on what happened last time he attempted to use it.

"In this thing? I don't think so."

Donkey ensures Diddy that the elevator has been fixed, to which Diddy agrees to use, despite still worrying about it.

It's like he knows what's going to happen.

Donkey Kong's elevator has an interesting mechanic. It works via a strength tester. Simply punch one of the buttons, and based on the amount of power, the elevator will be springed upward or downward and be caught by the magnet on the corresponding side. A neat concept, but it has very obvious design flaws.

Of course, for hilarity sake, Donkey Kong overshoots his strength and the elevator rebounds from the magnet and causes Diddy to smash into the ground below. Wah-wah.

If you have any sympathy for Diddy now, just wait until the next episode.

Donkey Kong asks Diddy if he's okay, to which he replies yes, and then Cranky is heard calling for help. Hearing this, Donkey leaps down from his hut onto the sand, and tells Diddy to stop being mortally wounded, and to hurry and help him with saving the Coconut. A squished Diddy Kong follows Donkey, and the scene fades to black.

Donkey probably broke his legs from that fall, and Diddy is probably dead.

In our next scene, Donkey and Diddy are swinging from vine to vine, rushing to save Cranky from peril.

After waiting around for no reason, Klump orders the Kritters to follow his lead in capturing the coconut. As for the Klaptraps, they seem to have disintegrated, since they are nowhere to be seen.

Those Klaptraps didn't even finish the entire roof!

In comes Donkey Kong, yelling out his catchphrase for this series; Banana Slamma!

"Oops! I forgot, we can't fly!"

Klump outright ignores this, and continues onwards with his troops. This truly is his finest hour.

You would think these barrels would burst from the pressure from an ape.

Donkey and Diddy land on some barrels, which trigger traps on the walkway to Cranky's cabin, launching away Klump and two Kritters. These barrels are called Trigger Barrels, and they are located all around Cranky's cabin. They each enable a different trap around the area, upon being pushed. They are one of the main weapons to drive away the Kremlings, the other being Donkey Kong himself.

Silly Diddy. Banana Slamma just doesn't sound as threatening coming from you.

Apparently, King K. Rool actually did have more troops lying around somewhere, since more Kritters are shown being flung away by these traps.

Wheeeeeeee!!!

Also, apparently, all his troops are as dumb as bricks. They make like a green Koopa Troopa, and fall directly into a pit-trap.

Somehow even less threatening in this show than the actual game.

Donkey Kong goes on to trigger more traps, all while saying banana themed attacks. I assure you, that this is a one time thing for this episode.

Also...

Swiggity Swoogity, Donkey got a Booty.

I'm not sure whether to be aroused, or disturbed by this poorly rendered CGI ape.

Donkey Kong launches all of the Kritters into away to their deaths, leaving King K. Rool without an army. K. Rool meekly intakes the situation he's in.

Let's point at the fat lizard and laugh!

Upon being challenged with doing away with Donkey and Diddy, King K. Rool goes on to hammingly admit that he lost and that they shouldn't come and beat him up. It sounds really pathetic, especially coming from the final boss of the DKC trilogy. The same guy who managed to kidnap Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong. Mind you, this show was made before King K. Rool's personality really set in Donkey Kong 64. This show really softened up King K. Rool, but not too drastically. There are a couple episodes where he does live up to his pun-name, but for the most part, he's just a ham.

Oh well. At least he's pretty funny.

King K. Rool saves Donkey Kong the trouble of beating him, and falls off the bridge. Diddy celebrates, but is cut-off by Cranky who tells the boys to fix up the damage on his roof, before King K. Rool comes back.

Are you sure you want Donkey and Diddy fixing up? They don't seem really capable.

We transition to King K. Rool's lair, where he and Klump are discussing the plans on how to retrieve the Crystal Coconut from the apes.

It's a bunny!

Klump tells King K. Rool that Donkey Kong is capable of destroying his entire army, to which K. Rool exclaims that it's the bananas that give Donkey Kong his strength. So to resolve this dilemma, King K. Rool suggests that they cast a curse on Donkey Kong.

Wait, what? Last time I checked, King K. Rool wasn't some wizard. Although, I'm suprised Nintendo hasn't tried making him one already. They just love making him dress up in silly oufits.

King K. Rool presses a button on his control panel, which causes a ceiling shelf of books to come down. Then, a book pushes out and lands in Klump's spot.

Maybe the book itself is cursed.

 K. Rool picks up the book and opens up to a page. It is a page on how to render someone as weak as a baby.

Also, some insight on these drawings. They look similar to the storyboard art depiction of the apes. They must've gotten the same people to work on any 2D bits of artwork and animation scattered throughout the show.

Look at all that word gibberish.

As the curse follows; While cutting the subject's hair, chant: "Snip-Clip, Power Slip, you're a wimp, and that's it." The victim will be drained of all of his power, until his hair grows back. Sounds ideal.

I'll just ignore any religious allusion, by the by.

The good ol' story of Samson the ape.

With the plan in set, King K. Rool is ready to get his claws on the Crystal Coconut. However, Klump states an obvious flaw in said plan; Who is going to close enough to cut Donkey Kong's hair? King K. Rool replies that the answer is obvious, which isn't obvious for first-time watchers, and then he smacks Klump in the chest with the book for being thick-minded.

Transition into another shot of Donkey Kong's treehouse, to where we hear Diddy complimenting Donkey for his sudden sprucing.

Donkey tells Diddy that he needs to look good, and notably, smooth for Candy Kong, for it is her birthday. Diddy then goes on to spout that Candy can't ever be as close as buddies as they are. That he can't fun with Candy the same way as they do. How subtle.

"Girls have cooties!"

Donkey ignores Diddy, and approaches a photo of Candy's head, saying that she is the "Girilla of his dreams." Heh. Ape puns.

Then, this happens:

I think he's had one too many bananas.

We cut away to the Cranky, who's on a conveyor belt. He tells the viewers that this factory is the Bluster Barrel Works, a place where Candy Kong works, and where all the barrels on the island are made. That's a pretty good explaination as to where all those barrels in the Donkey Kong games come from.

This place shows up a lot in this series.

While Cranky is explaining this place, he himself is being stuffed into a barrel. I suppose this is to explain the premise and importance of this factory, since it does play a key part in many episodes, without interrupting the storyline. Very clever, writers. Although, this does leave us wondering why Cranky was willing to be transported in the first place.

Monkey in a barrel! It smells like old fur!

Cranky Kong explains that the factory is runned by this character named Bluster. For any new watchers of this show, this name should come as a surprise, since there is no such character named Bluster Kong in the actual games, nor the games that proceed after this show.

This character is supposedly Donkey Kong's biggest competition for Candy's love. Probably because he's the only other guy on the island who would be interested in Candy. The reptiles don't want her, Funky is too stoned to care, Cranky hates everyone, and Diddy already has Dixie.

We see Candy Kong working along, pushing buttons on a panel. Cranky tells us that Candy already has interest in Donkey Kong, but then again, Bluster is rich. This actually does come into play in later episodes, unfortunately.

Also worth noting, before Cranky is rudely interrupted, that Bluster himself doesn't own the Bluster Barrel Works; his mother does. This joke around his mother is passed around throughout the series, so I felt it was needed to explain this. We hear Bluster calling for Candy, and Cranky goes away for the time being.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

Oh sweet lord, what is wrong with her face.

Candy Kong easily has one of the worst models in this show. She was redesigned from her DKC appearance, much more drastically than any other character. What's actually interesting about this, is that Candy's next appearance, in Donkey Kong 64, actually incorporates some design from this version of Candy, and the first version of her. It's nice to know the developers of the DKC series know about this show.

Bluster Kong is introduced in this scene, presenting a birthday cake for Candy. Banana Cream, her favorite, actually.

A retextured Donkey Kong. How original.

Candy denies his offering, claiming she is watching her weight.

Hurp-Durp.

If Candy was any thinner, she would be a tooth-pick. What a prick.

Bluster disregards his rejection, and creepily says that he'll watch her body for her. Euuuugh!!!

Ew. Wait, how old is this guy again? He's already balding!

Candy, like the rest of us, is creeped out and angrily sends Bluster's cake towards the Barrel Grinder. Jeeze. That's kind of harsh. He may be a creep, but you can't deny that getting a three-layer cake is pretty sweet.

This is just the icing (Pahahahaha) of Candy's true nature. Later episodes really show her awful character in full bloom.

Bluster, rightfully concerned over his cake and his machine, stops the conveyor belt, rather smiley, despite his tone of voice.

"Teehee! My employee is trying to destroy my machine!"

Despite everything Candy has done so far, he still asks her out, to which she replies that she's already made plans with Donkey Kong, who is actually on the conveyor belt. Sheesh. The safety regulations are pretty lenient in this factory.

A bouquet of bananas. How lovely.

Bluster is rightfully ticked that Candy practically blew off all of his birthday gifts just to be Donkey Kong, so as vengence, he gives Candy just what she deserves.

Pahah! Now that's funny!

Candy gets her panties in a twist, and just muffles at Donkey Kong that it's somehow his fault for this happening. Yeah right.

Candy breaks off their date, and sends Donkey to the reject belt.

"Not only is our date off, but so is your LIFE."

Cut away to King K. Rool's lair, the King himself walks in on Klump and crew to see how his plan is coming along. Klump reveals that it's coming along very nicely.

We've decapitated Candy Kong!

King K. Rool approaches the robot head, and attempts to speak to it.

Ick. I would get that gray tongue checked on, King.

Aaaand, cue appropriate horror sting!

"Hello! What's you're nam-"

"OH SWEET LORD, KILL IT!!!"

Despite being horrific as all hell, King K. Rool is quite pleased with the robot, and orders for her head to be put on.

Klump orders the Kritters to do so, and once put on, the Candy Clone begins to dance and sing. I'm not exactly sure why she was programmed to do so, but whatever. Here's our second musical number.

"What kind of work have you boys been up to?!"

Nothing to really say here, except on how bizarre this whole scenario is. A robotic anthropomorphic ape is seductively singing and wiggling to a group of obese scalies. What the hell?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

King K. Rool is really impressed now, saying that Candy Clone can practically fool anyone idiot. Klump replies that it even fooled him. Oh Klump. How did you even get promoted?

With the plan all set up and ready to go, Donkey Kong is about to get the cut of his life.

"But enough of that! Time to cut away this scene!"

Fade in from black, Donkey Kong is disappointingly looking at himself in a mirror, saying that he blew it with Candy, and that she'll never take him back again. Even though he didn't really do anything other than show up.

Diddy tells Donkey not to worry about it, saying that he's blown it about a millon times, which doesn't really make DK feel better, causing him to sarcastically thank him.

"If I wasn't so depressed, I would be strangling you, little buddy."

Suddenly, a bell is heard, along with Candy's voice. Upon hearing her voice, in a much better tone than before, Donkey gets his spirit uplifted and goes bananas.

"Guess who's getting some banana cream pie, tonight?"

Before DK explodes with excitement, Candy calls for him to let him up. Donkey gets right to it, and buzzes Candy up, to which she grunts from the impact of the elevator. Little does DK know that he's actually interacting with Candy Clone.

Candy Clone then tells Donkey that he doesn't know his strength, and that she'll fix that right up. She says the curse right in front of Donkey, making him confused. To follow it up, she makes another verse to the hex, to smooth talk her way into cutting Donkey Kong's hair.

"Snip-Snip, gonna clip. Make you my sweet and sexy chimp~"

Donkey Kong, too awe struck from those words, submits and allows Candy to trim his hair. All the while, Diddy is just sitting there, watching the horror unravel of a bad haircut.

Candy Clone finishes, and OH MY LORD-

WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIS HEAD?! 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Disregarding any body horror displayed here, Donkey Kong complains that it is way too smooth. In fact, he's actually bald. Diddy Kong then proceeds to call DK a geek. You know, if it wasn't for his deformed head, I would think that Donkey Kong doesn't look good with a flat bald spot in place of tufts of hair.

Donkey then goes on to say that he doesn't feel like himself, which Candy assures him that he'll get used to it. She then goes into the elevator to leave, and Donkey goes to send her down. Candy Clone replies with sarcasm. I guess the whole bald spot is leaving Donkey Kong unsure of going out with Candy, since he was going head-over-heels for her just a minute ago.

Donkey Kong tries sending Candy down with a quick punch to the Lift-o-Matic, but Candy Clone's assumption was right; DK has no muscle power. Both Donkey and Diddy are confused by this turn out.

"Well shoot. How am I supposed let anybody in or out, now?"

Candy Clone comes over and pushes the button, activating the elevator, exclaiming how easy it is. She tells Donkey to take to easy for a while, leaving Donkey and Diddy flabbergasted over what just happened.

Fade away into a new scene, where King K. Rool approaches Cranky's cabin once more, this time, ready to get what he came for in the first place.

I find your lack of ass disturbing.

Little fun fact. Among the other things this show carried over into other games, King K. Rool's lack of tail was actually incorporated into his design, during the whole PAON redesign in DK: King of Swing.

King K. Rool shouts out for Cranky Kong to come and see the new ruler of Kongo Bongo. Cranky Kong comes out peeved, asking why he just doesn't give up.

"Seriously. Don't you have anything better to do?"

King K. Rool tells him that he wouldn't give up when victory is so easily in his grasp. He then calls out for another lackey of his; Krusha.

A lovable big oaf, isn't he?

Krusha is another character whose role expanded from generic enemy from the first game. Klump and him serve as King K. Rool's go-to troops.

Krusha is instructed to go on and fetch the Coconut for King K. Rool, to which Cranky replies that his muscle-fool is not match for his, and he calls out for Donkey Kong.

Either Cranky has some extremely strong lungs, or the jungle is an extremely small and quiet place. Donkey and Diddy hear Cranky's distress call, and Donkey arrives on the scene to face off against Krusha. Diddy Kong is nowhere to be seen, which is odd.

"Okay! Be sure to back me up, little buddy....Little buddy?"

Donkey Kong gives out some warnings to Krusha, who isn't scared at the slightest, before delivering some wimpy punches to Krusha's abs.

"Maybe if I keep punching, something will happen!"

Krusha amusingly calls out these pathetic punches as simply tickling. The first episode really sets out to let the viewer think that Krusha is actually capable of doing something. Too bad he gets progressively dumber as the series goes on. Thankfully, his stupidity is more endearing than most other characters.

Donkey Kong is exhausted from trying to punch Krusha, leaving him completely open for this:

BANANA

SLAMMA

Donkey Kong is blown back past a concerned Cranky, and into the Crystal Coconut case, which causes it to open.

King K. Rool and Krusha go forth and snatch the Crystal Coconut while DK is down, while Cranky doesn't do anything but make insults. Afterwards, Cranky asks Donkey Kong just what happened to him. Oh, and Diddy is back too.

"Sorry I'm late. I was too busy being useless."

Donkey Kong tells him that ever since Candy had cut his hair, and told him she wanted to make him her little love slave (???), he's been powerless. Cranky Kong, knowledgable as he is, recognizes that Donkey Kong has been cursed by Candy.

Then, Diddy notices that somebody is coming. That somebody, being Funky Kong!

Nice game reference to Funky's Flights.

Of course, being Funky Kong, he nearly gets the three killed upon the landing.

Who gave Funky his piloting license?

Funky Kong drops in to say that it's chaos all over the island, because of King K. Rool getting the Coconut.

Wait a minute, he literally just stole the thing. How does the whole island know already? He's probably still walking back to his lair!

Diddy Kong confirms that the Coconut is gone, and Donkey is also appalled on how everyone somehow knows he let the Crystal Coconut slip.

Funky asks Donkey and Diddy to hop in his plane so he can take him to the Banana Plantation, to help DK muster up some strength to fight off King K. Rool and get the Crystal Coconut back. Cranky, however, doesn't believe bananas won't be able to fix the curse, to which Donkey and Diddy ignore and hop on the plane. Again, Diddy is reluctant on riding with Funky, knowing his piloting skills, and the fact that he doesn't even have a proper seat.

That doesn't exactly look safe. Then again, this whole plane doesn't look safe.

Before Diddy can back out, Funky drives the plane off the edge, and the plane falls, before impossibly flying back up into the sky.

Meanwhile, Cranky is still not buying the whole banana antidote that Donkey is going through with, so he decides to mix up a potion to counter the curse.

Transition back to Funky and crew, they have reached the plantation, and now all Donkey has to do is chow down on some rich, juicy, magical potassium.

Look at alllllll those copy-and-pasted banana trees.

In a faded cut, Diddy Kong says that Donkey has eaten all the bananas in the plantation, and yet, he still hasn't gotten any of his power back yet. Oh well.

Wait a minute! Diddy lied! There's plenty of bananas behind them!

Back at his cabin, Cranky has finished mixing up a potion that will cure Donkey Kong's muscle issue. However, there is a catch; the only person who can cure him is the one that put the spell on him. So, he calls Candy over, and Bluster tags along with her as well, for....reasons. Candy Kong then explains to Cranky that she didn't curse Donkey Kong, and Bluster tells him that she's been working all day.

Regardless, Cranky still thinks the potion will work. That's pretty presumptuous. Whatever. Candy and Bluster get shooed off to go find Donkey Kong...even though he knows that they're at the Banana Plantation. What? Did he not understand Funky's surfer lingo? Or did he willingly decide not to tell them? Because in the next scene Candy and Bluster are in, they're flying around aimlessly on the island.

"Ain't I a stinker?"

Back in King K. Rool's lair, K. Rool is giving a speech over his great accomplishment to his troops. Or, what's left of his troops anyway.

"All hail King K. Rool!" - Muffled Kritter

Klump gets the attention of King K. Rool, to inform him that his sources say that Cranky has cooked up an antidote to the curse. Boy that was quick.

Cut to Candy Kong and Bluster flying around in Bluster's barrel-copter, searching around for Donkey Kong, with not even a clue as to where he is. Suddenly, the two notice that some Klaptraps have been fired at their copter, and has eaten their propeller.

Well damn. That's not good.

As to how the Kritters, or Klump, found them so quickly, is a mystery. The two apparently jumped off the helicopter, since they're seen skyfalling to the ground, while the helicopter flies by.

"Look at me! I'm flying!"

Then, a sudden fade to their current state; suprisingly not injured. Bluster complains that he's tired, and demands the bottle to quench his thirst. Candy denies him it, saying it will save Donkey Kong. Bluster doesn't give two flying bananas about Donkey Kong, and instead takes the potion and dumps onto the ground, just out of spite. Candy doesn't even attempt to stop him.

Wouldn't you know it? The potion actually sprouts out a plant!

What was in that potion?!

It grows quickly into a enormous banana tree! Candy and Bluster are in awe!

And you know what? I'll just flat out say it. This whole side plot has no impact on the main story. At all. It doesn't help DK at the slightest, and it doesn't hinder K. Rool at all, and this giant banana tree never comes up in any other episode of this series. This is just filler.

This was completely unecessary.

I do have a theory as to why this plot was even put in. My assumption is that they wanted to make it so that Donkey Kong would spot the giant banana tree, and have the trio meet up with Candy and Bluster and have DK eat one huge banana for him to get his muscles back. However, my best guess is that they figured it would take too much time for that plot to go on, and have DK get the Coconut back, so they trimmed it down to keep the show from passing the 22 minute mark. Just a guess, but it would make a whole lot more sense than this small fraction of scenes we were left with.

Anyway. Back to our main story, Diddy tells Donkey Kong that he's spotted more bananas! You know, the ones that were behind Funky and him the whole time?

Diddy, I think you may be near-sighted.

Donkey Kong pleads to not have anymore bananas, telling Diddy that he'll probably vomit if he eats another one. I'm pretty sure he would've died from over-eating, or heck, potassium poisoning by now.

Diddy ignores this, and shoots one last banana into his mouth.

SOMEBODY FAPPED TO THIS.

Wouldn't you know it? Donkey's hair starts to grow back! Somehow! And since his hair is back, so is his super strength!

"I'm also inexplicably thin again!"

By the by, where the hell did Funky Kong go? Seriously. He just vanished.

Back with King K. Rool and Krusha, King K. Rool tells Krusha to put the Crystal Coconut in the royal vault for safe-keeping.

Seriously? This crystal can give you all the power in the world, and King K. Rool just decides to do nothing with it. In this series, K. Rool is given many opportunities to take over the whole island, and yet he never does the obvious whenever he acquires the Coconut. I'm not sure if that's just bad writing, or if K. Rool is just an idiot.

Do it Krusha! Steal the Coconut! Make all your wishes come true!

Just as Krusha is going to do said task, Donkey Kong comes in from above, screaming his catchphrase. He's ready for another round with the croc, who is still under the assumption that DK is powerless. Of course, he isn't, and kicks the Crystal Coconut right out of Krusha's hands, and into the sky above.

There it goes, with just one simple kick to the wrist.

You know, King K. Rool should've really patched up that hole in the ceiling. It would've prevented Donkey from coming in, and would stop any future barge-ins that will inevitably happen in the series.

King K. Rool is distraught from his curse being broken, as the Crystal Coconut goes flying away, back to Cranky's Cabin, bounces about, impossibly managing to perfectly strike the landing on the pedestal.

I know DK is strong, but come on.

Oh for crying out loud, they just fixed that roof too.

10/10

Cranky compliments himself, probably thinking that Donkey actually drank that lethal potion of his. Joke's on him. It was good ol' bad writing that brought us through! I mean, bananas!

Donkey has successfully beaten up Krusha, who is now just lying in pain.

"Owww."

King K. Rool is sniffling, claiming that he and his Kremlings never get a break. Truth be told, they never really do.

Donkey goes off, telling the crocs that he has a birthday party to to. Specifically, Candy's. Alright! Party time!

No, wait. Instead of a party, we get Candy approaching Donkey at the pier, during the sunset, with a gift at hand. She's giving him one, despite it being HER birthday, for being a hero. Oh well. Free gifts, can't be beat.

What exactly is in that box? Bananas? Probably not.

But, wouldn't you know it, the Candy Clone comes back, just in time for ending! Where did she go? I kind of expected her to just report back to K. Rool's lair, but nope. She's just wandering the island. Somebody should go and de-activate her.

Apparently, this Candy Clone wants some of the Donkey Booty as well, so she shows up with her own gift. Which looks exactly like the real Candy's, mind you.

Donkey sees no problem with this.

Candy notes that this faker is the one that started the entire problem in the first place, with Candy Clone replying that she's a liar. Donkey Kong has to choose between the two, and he has full confidence on who's the real Candy.

And of course, he chooses the fake one. I guess he couldn't see past the metallic cleavage and strangely seductive voice.

Makes you wonder what made her fall for him in the first place.

Candy Kong gets fairly pissed, and throws her gift in DK's face. She stomps away, telling him she never wants to see him again. Ouch. Looks like Donkey's calendar is going to be filled with Diddy dates.

With the real Candy out of the picture, Candy Clone and Donkey get ready for some smooching.

Icky CGI Monkey Lips

Ickier CGI Monkey Lips

Before any lip contact, however, the Candy Clone begins to malfunction, and starts spazzing. Guess she's overheating, am I right?

DESTROY.

Donkey is confused, and then from a long shot, we see Candy Clone's head exploding right off. DK is left with soot in his face.

He leaves us with one final joke, while Candy Clone's head lands on the ground with a squeak, and then looks at the camera with distraught. Fade to black, and roll the credits!

"I'm blown away, Candy."

Well, that's it for episode 1. It's a pretty nice introductionary episode to the series, and really shows off the personalities of almost all the characters in this show. What really brings this episode down is just the inconsistencies and tacky writing in some scenes. Still, it's one of the better episodes of the show, compared to the rest of Season 1. It really doesn't get much better from here, so prepare for the ride.